NLP with Mind Kinesis (3)

Perceptual Positions

In NLP, perceptual position is a process (a mental technique) whereby you mentally review (or preview) a situation from a number of different positions (or point of views) in order to enrich your appreciation of what is involved. The use of perceptual position:

- Improves your understanding of other people.
- To take a step back and consider issues.
- Helps you appreciate the influence of your verbal and non-verbal behaviour on others, and the influence of their behaviour on you.

To do this, first identify a past event that you have a serious relationship problem. You are, and must, be willing to let it go. Then mark 3 positions on the floor - position 1 represent's client himself, position 2 represnt the third party and position 3 represent a coach/consultant. Let’s assume that you are the coach/consultant and you are doing perceptual position with a client.

Step 1:
- Briefly discuss on this issue with client and identify the third party involved in this situation.

Step 2:
- Get client into position 1 and fully associate with his/her own feeling, viewpoint, experience etc.
- Ask client questions like “how do you feel”, “what is your highest intention”, “what’s your opinion of the third party”, “why is he/she acting in this way” etc etc?

Step 3:
- Step out of position 1 and break state (ask any irrelevant question or remark).
- “What did you have for breakfast”.

Step 4:
- Get client into position 2 and fully associate into the other party’s feeling, viewpoint, experience etc.
- Ask client questions like “how do you feel”, “what is happening”, “what is your highest intention”, “what’s your opinion of the you in position 1”?

Step 5:
- Step out of position 2 and break state (ask any irrelevant question or remark).
- “Sorry I need a toilet break”.

Step 6:
- Get client into position 3 and fully associate into a consultant/coach.
- Ask client questions like “how do you feel the “you” in position 1 & 2”, “what are the differences in behaviours and intention”, “what are the values you can draw to address the problem”, “what more can be done to improve relationship”?

Step 7:
- Step out of position 3 and break state (ask any irrelevant question or remark).

Step 8:
- Get into position 1 again and ask how well can client handle the situation now.

Step 9:
- Get into position 2 again and ask how well can client handle the situation now.

Note again that NLP is more an art than science. So you actually can find other NLP coaches with slightly different procedure. Some come with position 4 whilst others recommend to go through the cycle 2 times.

What I am about to say next is a matter of my opinion. Firstly, the whole processes may look profound but is very simple – just try to put yourself into someone else’s shoe. And many of us could be actually doing it most of the time (without going through the steps above) by being understanding. In my opinion, perceptual positions can only be used under certain circumstances. E.g. you can’t do this to a lady who had been raped, or someone who had been cheated by his/her friend in a business deal or a wife been constantly abused by her husband. Also note that perceptual position requires you to “associate into the thinking/behaviour/intention” of the third party. A person simply cannot try to perceive the behaviour/intention of the third party through his/her own very brain especially when the third party has a downright ill intention.

Therefore, in my opinion, perceptual position is used in a normal situation of mis-understanding. And actually anyone can do it without going through the steps above – by taking a deep breathe and do self-reflection on the whole issue assuming that that person is open and willing to mend the relationship.





…….. to be continue

NLP with Mind Kinesis (1)

I have not been writing on my blog for more than a year despite surged in global market. I think it’s about time I start writing and sharing. But today I am not going to talk about stock market. Instead I like to share with you my encounter with NLP.

Now what the hell is NLP? NLP stands for Neuro-linguistic Programming. In a nutshell, NLP is about altering our thoughts and that of others in order to produce the intended results. This is achieved by using the tools of NLP to alter the way our brain process data/information in order to influence our actions. This is generally known as having a “positive mindset”. It was a model created by Richard Bandler and John Grinder plus a few others. Unfortunately these buggers fell out in the 80s and in 90s, Bandler filed a lawsuit against Grinder. The legal case came to an end 10 years later.

By the way, the above description of NLP is not found in dictionary or wikipedia. It’s my definition based on what I learn from Cayden, founder of Mind Kinesis. Hopefully I got it correct…..hahaha.

How I Got There?

How I got myself enrolled into the NLP programme in the first place? I am sure most of my friends in NLP course make a choice to sign up mainly to overcome obstacles in life. But not for me. I join the course because of one good buddy Bob – he paid up half of the course fee in my name after he attended the free seminar. Actually I had previously attended the seminar but didn’t have the intention to sign up because I don’t think I have any problem in life!!! When I said this in the class, somebody turned to me and said, “wow, no problem, then you got very serious problem!!!”

Knowing Bob for more than 10 years, IMHO, he is not as generous as one might think and certainly not a philanthropist.

“No offence brother if you are reading my blog now!!! Hahaha…….”

But yet for once in his lifetime (or perhaps many more to come), he done something extraordinary for me. He paid half of my course fee and gave me a choice to pay the other half to attend the programme. The root cause of his unprecedented action was because I was at super low mood in May this year. Was it mid-life crisis? Maybe but certainly stressful job is one of the contributing factors.

And there came my first struggle – should I pay half of it? It’s a thousand dollar mind you. Finally I chose to sign up the programme even though I struggled for a while. As to what’s going on deep inside, that’s for you to find out!!!

Whatever it is, I had finally completed the programme and certified. Seriously I never thought that I would finish the whole programme as I had other struggles, which I will share subsequently. All this would not take place without Bob and “thanks brother”!!! I promise you that one day I make my first million, I’ll compensate you back your one thousand dollar course fee.



……..to be continue

脚踏实地

A good friend of mine send me a very meaningful article. There was no profound knowledge or new discovery in it. It was just a simple sharing call "being down to earth". Many of us would have heard this teaching many times during school days but after we step into the society, we want "fast track to success". While some are genuine skills, many fell into his own trap - greed.

And I always wonder, if there is really a sit-at-home-and-get-rich method, and everyone becomes millionaires, then what is the value of a millionaire?

From all the stories I heard from friends or in the paper, it seems that usually the teacher/trainer himself actually gets richer. As for the hundreds of students or followers.......

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（联合早报网讯）台湾中国时报报道，台湾第一夫人周美青最近疯棒球，连马英九都笑称「她本来只是个小球迷，已经快要变成大球迷了」。不过，周美青不只看棒球，还在部落格发表文章，以美国职棒年薪最高的打击名将A-Rod服用禁药的例子为教材，教育全国小朋友「脚踏实地胜过取巧」。

周美青在部落格撰文指出，美国职棒年薪最高、被视为最有希望超越邦兹七百六十二支全垒打纪录的打击名将A-Rod，承认自己曾因压力太大、力求表现而服用禁药，这个事件让所有棒球迷感到震惊与失望。 　　美国总统奥巴马在记者会中被问到对这事件的反应，除了表示沮丧外，也希望所有的孩子在看到A-Rod承认违禁的转播时，了解到成功是无法取巧，没有捷径的。

周美青指出，功利主义社会下，人比较躁进而没有耐心，凡事追求迅速、快捷。看书要速读，学习要速成，吃饭有速食，行车要飙速，书店里充斥教人如何迅速致富、快速减肥、一分钟成为各种达人的书。 　　但她认为，做事积极、讲求效率当然很好，人格的养成、知识的学习、技巧的磨练，是需要一定的过程、长时间的潜移默化、日以继夜反覆训练的，一味追求短时间内达到目标，往往揠苗助长；最坏的情形，是为了快速成功，不择手段，摒弃了道德良知。

「抄捷径也许短时间可以达成目标，但因未经磨练，所以经不起考验。」周美青强调，许多事情「过程」比「省时」重要，应该注重孩子学习的过程与品质，而不是学习的快慢与成绩；成功没有捷径，经济的复苏亦然，脚踏实地、安分守己的态度才是最重要的。周美青撰文：脚踏实地胜过取巧

NLP Workshop

Last evening, I attended a workshop on “Roadmap to Success” with a friend. My ex-manager Cayden Chang that I had shared before in my blog, conducted the workshop. He is the founder of the company Mind Kinesis. Today, I would like to share with all what the workshop is all about and highlight something important that we all should take note of.

Firstly, the training programme that Mind Kinesis offering is a NLP tools - Neuro-linguistic Programming. In layman’s term, it’s about giving you tools such that you will achieve your intended results. This is nothing new to me as I had been trained by Cayden in someway when he was my manager. I benefited from his training while working under him. Ever since being trained/influenced by Cayden, including reading books on positive mindset, I becomes demanding on myself and somewhat affecting (or pissing off) people around me. For myself, I set targets and I will “cheong” to get it. Although I’ve yet to reach Cayden’s level of mind focusing, I do behave in that manner. Let me illustrate. Again, if you are my colleague and you are reading my blog, please keep it to yourself. Nonetheless, I’ll still try to “restrain” myself on my sharing.

I was posted to a new job in mid-2007. For that new post, I had zero experience although the manager (not Cayden) was willing to give me a chance to try. This is because he knows me as a colleague and also my experience in our company’s operations is an added advantage. It was a huge challenge because the new post required totally different set of skills. But I never doubt that I will make it. I set targets for myself - within half a year, I will learn and complete everything that the new post required me to do; and I’ll take another half a year to learn my peer’s area of responsibility. This means to say that in one year’s time, I will learn EVERYTHING there is to learn in that (new) office. If you feel that I’m bragging, then I’m sorry. But like it or not, I met my targets although there is still room for improvement.

Well, since I behave in this manner, I becomes…. somewhat demanding.... to others. I will not elaborate on this since some colleagues may be reading my blog. Now back to Cayden’s workshop. He is offering something rather different as compared to his competitors. For example, he gave attractive discount and guarantees 100% satisfactory, i.e. if you don’t get your intended result after the programme, you’ll get full refund! This is what I want to talk about today. My friend who attended the workshop with me was thinking about the programme fee. I thought he was contemplating whether if the programme is expensive.

In my opinion, offering a lower fees was unnecessary other than encouraging more people to try it. Or perhaps there may be other reasons that I’m not aware of. I told my friend that I felt sorry for those who signed up or didn’t sign up merely because of the fee. This is because he/she had been myopic and failed to see the bigger picture. Think again. If your intended result is to earn a passive income of at least $2,000 a month, or to move up the corporate ladder to be Assistant Vice-President and the programme guarantees to help you to reach it otherwise money back, then it doesn’t matter whether the programme costs $2,000 or $5,000. Your target or objective worth many times more than that.

During my recent ICT, many ex-colleagues asked for my help in portfolio management and they are willing to entrust their money with me. I told them that I charge a 2% commission on the gains and only when there is a gain. Straight away they responded, “no problem, 5% also can”. Do you know why they are so generous? This is because they only pay when there is a positive result or else I will do it for free. The only difference here between these two situations is that for Cayden’s training, you need to pay first and he will help you to get your intended result. For my fund management service, you only pay after I produced the result. The sequence is different but the idea is the same. You only incurred a cost when you get your intended result. And this applies even when you are buying self-enrichment books. I said in my blog before, don’t buy self-enrichment books so that you “feel better”. Whenever you pay for a book, you’re helping the author to reach financial freedom – passive income. You should only help him if the author is going to help you in return. For example, if you buy a book written about Warren Buffett, then you must expect better investment returns. And if your learning curves taper off, you should stop buying these kind of books.

So my friend, do not be shortsighted and focused on the returns. You must expect results. In this case, you achieve win-win situation.

“You walk and talk but did you sign up for the programme?”

I did not! I didn’t not because of the fee but because I don’t have a “desperate” target currently. If I attend the training now it will be a waste. Once my desperate and difficult target arises, I will sign up and seek Cayden’s help. His programme is supposed to help me to get what I want. And I want to make it challenging for him.

Changing Mindset, Changing Life

Since I started blogging, I’ve been sharing on investment strategy, financial planning, market/company updates etc. There is one other thing that I talked about frequently in my blog – positive mindset. Today, I will share with you living testimonies.

My career, since the day I quited the Army has been rough and bumpy. Although I am not a scholar or scorer in my grades, my career development at this age has been less than satisfactory. I used to say that it was the fault of the economy, the timing, god and many more. But about five years ago, I was fortunate to meet this man in my job. He was the one who changed my perception, introduced to me a new approach to life and success, altered the way I look at things and helped me to overcome many difficulties. I think it’s about time I give full credit to him and give good account of what he had done for himself.

A Living Testimony

Now, if you are my colleague and are reading this article, please keep it to yourself. Having said that, I will try to be diplomatic and political in my words.

Cayden Chang, an extraordinary man with a passion for success, a man of action, highly focus and highly motivated. Most importantly, he always expects result and nothing less. You must be thinking that naturally everybody wants to be successful. If that’s what you are thinking now, you missed the whole point. Everybody wants to be successful; you can hear that especially when people start talking about it. But when comes to action, most people (probably including myself) are not determined. In other words, to many people success is not a MUST, it’s just a WANT, i.e. success is optional. You must be thinking that I am talking shit. Let me illustrate:

About two years ago, I had a chat with one of my ex-colleagues who was unhappy with his work and pay, as usual. He wanted more; he wanted to be successful. We were having a coffee break, just two of us. So I tried to be “kaypoh” and shared with him that our greatest obstacle is not chance, it’s our mindset or determination. He replied that he is very determined. So I told him that I have friend who is a very successful property agent. He is my secondary school classmate and only has GCE “O-Level” but he is doing very well in property line. So I offer this ex-colleague a chance to be trained by this successful agent. He replied that he also heard of successful property agent earning more than $10k per month. However, he doesn’t really like to be a property agent (see what I mean?). I just return with a smile.

My First Encounter

I came to know Cayden when he was posted to my office as my Manager (Executive rank). We worked for a listed company. I was also new in the office then, joining the company for less than four months. So I had the chance to learn from him from scratch. I remember that Cayden reviewed all our work and procedures and was shocked to know that everything wasn’t done properly before. He then personally trained us and put everything in order again. It was already a tough job just to put the foundation right again.

After working with him for few months, I started to understand his style and felt the pressure. In short, he spend lots of time training us up, making sure we are fully competence and then he went on to take up projects at highly level. He always volunteered for challenging task at higher management when many will keep their head low. He was not scheming, in case you are thinking on the negative side. The price - we worked together for long hour daily and I was always back to office during weekends. To most employees, and perhaps including yourself as you are reading, this must be a typical “suck up” superior. But this is how Cayden convinced me: “James, how you want me to fight for your promotion and highest bonus? By telling management that you work hard, reported to office on time, completed your job diligently? But who aren’t? Or by telling management that you can run the whole office yourself without my supervision and completed additional task that everybody shunned away? Your peers, there are so many of them but only a few will move up. And as a new staff, you already loss out compare to the rest. If you want to excel, you must achieve positive result in black and white. Do you want to be successful?”

Recently there is a movie (Singapore Production) – Kallang Roar. I didn’t watch it but I remember a part of the script which says something like “if you are not a winner, you are nothing”.

Anyway, that was the first time someone say this kind of things to me. None of my ex-highly-paid-officer has ever says this to me. And honestly, although I understood Cayden’s teaching, but it wasn’t easy to absorb initially. He took his time to continue to change my mindset. He reviewed our work frequently, goes through with us on how to achieve the target he set for us and explained to us why he has done that. Together we groomed and motivated subordinates and “chopped off” the incorrigible one. It was hugely difficult when comes to managing people. And believe or not, our office’s KPI for that year shot up from bottom to top three! Come to think of it now, it was a little bit like Romance of Three Kingdoms, when Liu Bei led small troops against enemy in huge numbers.

Before I move on, let me clarify that the above is a summary of the things he told me, not exactly word-for-word but something along the lines. Moving on, Cayden was promoted that year to Senior Executive. Unfortunately, before I get the chance to harvest my fruit, I resigned to pursue higher studies. Cayden persuaded me to stay but I have different plan. Knowing that he couldn’t change my mind, he bought a book for me. Initially I thought it was another book on Management and so I put it on my bookshelf. We still keep in touch after I left. About half a year later, something happened.

Another Living Testimony

Half year later, I came to know a man (a Warrant Officer) in the Army during my in-camp training (ICT). This man had achieved so much in many areas (career, studies, physical fitness etc) although he is just a specialist. The most amazing thing is that at age of 40 plus, he continues to maintain below 9min record for 2.4km run and had been training young officers and specialists for marathon. I couldn’t run below 9min at the age of 22 as a Guardsman (vocation just below Commando). On the last day of our ICT, many of us met at the Mess for a drink. And when he shared with us on his “secret to success”, he gave all credit to “changing mindset”. He specially recommended a book titled “Master Your Mind, Design Your Destiny”. None of my Army friends heard of this book but I got one right on my bookshelf, a gift from Cayden! Back home, I immediately picked up the book to read and also wrote an email to Cayden to express my most sincere appreciation.

Few months later, I rejoined Cayden’s company again but in different department. By now, I had been equipped with different mindset and Cayden was already a Manager by corporate rank. And one year later, he was further promoted to Assistant Vice President. This is really amasing. He started low and humble, but he was simply “2 Fast, 2 Furious”.

Cayden didn’t stop pursuing for his happiness. He resigned and moved on to coach people on positive mindset. He set up his own training company known as Mind Kinesis.

Conclusion

Cayden’s road to success didn’t come easy. He started from scratch but skyrocketed. In his pursue for happiness, he met more extraordinary leaders but also adversaries. I had heard of other colleagues criticising him as “market spoiler”. But in my heart, I can see clearly and objectively who is the real champion. So did you ever claim someone as spoiling market? If yes, then you are very guilty. And Cayden has also influenced many. By adopting his teaching, I am also earmarked as market spoiler by others now. I didn’t bother to explain but take it as a complement instead. And now that I had a new colleague, I used the same mindset while training her in her work. My only worry is that I am not sure if she is ready for this powerful teaching.

Lastly, about that Warrant Officer, he probably forgotten about me since we met two years ago. In fact, I also couldn’t even remember his name. We are just acquaintance. During recent ICT, I met him again along the corridor. I recognized him and called out for him:“Encik, thank you for your sharing on positive mindset two years ago”. He stunned for a second but immediately recalled the incident.

As for me, the story continues…….